


Remember You

by Mimikay



Series: Lovesick Boys The series [2]
Category: GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Medical Trauma, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimikay/pseuds/Mimikay
Summary: After an accident Bambam remembers everything except the existence of Youngjae. Determined to make him remember him Youngjae does everything in his power to spark Bambam's memories.OrYoungjae helps Bambam remember him.Doing so, both fall in love. KindaBackground relationships :Jackson x YugyeomMark x JB x JinyoungJinyoung x Hyunjin
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Im Jaebum | JB/Mark Tuan, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Kim Yugyeom/Jackson Wang, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Choi Youngjae, Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Series: Lovesick Boys The series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050245
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Un

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be updated every week or every two weeks normally. 
> 
> The storyline was supposed to be Bambam hating Youngjae but finally I thought this was better. 
> 
> English isn't my first language so please be indulgent.

“I puked.” 

“You puked. How does that even happen ?” 

“I don’t know, Hyung ! I was sucking him off and then the next thing I knew I was puking my dinner all over his bed sheets !” 

Youngjae tried to control his smile as he faced the younger one.  
“Well, maybe you’re just not meant for it. Try practicing on a banana or something for the next time.” 

Yugyeom rolled his eyes at Youngjae’s answer. Flopping himself on the bed next to where Youngjae was laying he groaned into the pillow next to him. 

Youngjae ran his hand through Yugygeom’s yellow hair. He couldn’t particularly say he understood what the younger one was going through because, and thank the gods, he had never been in the same situation. However, he did understand the embarrassment. 

“Who’s this guy anyway ? I thought you were done with one night stands ?” 

For the past few months, Yugygeom had started to entertain the idea that one night stands were for him. However, each time he came back saying that he was over sleeping with strangers and he was finally ready for something serious. Needless to say, Youngjae was worried. 

Finally closing his laptop ( he wasn’t getting anywhere with the song he was working on anyways) he focused on the young man laying next to him. 

“What’s up, Gyeomie ?” Finally looking up at him, Yugyeom blew off some strands of hair which were falling on his eyes. 

“I saw Jackson hyung making out with one of our dancers three months ago and I can’t seem to be getting that image out of my head.” 

Youngjae rested his head against his palm , finally understanding what was going on with his younger brother. Since they were trainees, Yugyeom had developed a serious crush on the Chinese member, the crush becoming more serious as the years went by.

“And how did that make you feel ?” Clearly not the question he was waiting for Yugeuoms eyes started to tear up. 

“How do you think it made me feel, hyung ? I don’t understand why I can’t seem to be able to move on. It’s been years and Jackson hyung clearly doesn’t feel the same way as I do so I don’t understand why it still hurts this much.” 

Yugyeom took a deep breath in. 

“Gyeom I -“ 

“YUGI, my new shoes just arrived !”  
An excited looking Bambam burst through the door holding a box with an expensive label written across it. 

Noticing the atmosphere, the Thai boy stopped in his tracks. “Am I interrupting something ?” 

Youngjae got up from where he was laying and took his laptop with him. 

“No, not really. I was about to leave anyway. It's getting late and we have a big schedule tomorrow. You guys better get some sleep.” 

“You’re no help at all hyung.” Youngjae flipped the younger one off. 

“Listen, Yugyeom. I didn’t ask for this. I came here because I needed your help for a song. Not to hear you whine about Jackson, especially if you’re not going to do anything about it.” Youngjae made a face. Was he being too harsh ? 

“Gyeomie that’s not -“ 

“No you’re right, hyung. I’m going to confess tomorrow. I’m going to tell Jackson hyung I like him.” 

Bambam made a face. “Are you sure that’s a good idea ? What if you get rejected?” And awkward silence fell among the three idols. Fidgeting with his fingers, Youngjae tried to remove the feeling of guilt that was growing in his stomach. 

Yugyeom bit his bottom lip. “If I get rejected, then that’s it. I move on.” 

Youngjae smiled. “Well, on this beautiful and heroic note I’m going to bed. Goodnight Gyeomie.” Crossing the room, Youngjae approached the door. 

“Goodnight, hyung.” Youngjae tensed at the sound of the Thai’s voice. “Oh right, goodnight Bambam.” And with that he left the room. 

Bambam faced his best friend. “I think Youngjae hyung hates me.” He said frowning. 

“Oh come on, Youngjae isn’t capable of hating anyone. And we’ve been a group for 3 years now and we’ve known each other longer. If he hated you he would have told one of the guys by now.”

Bambam seemingly not content with the answer gave Yugyeom a little pout. 

“Do you think it’s because of what happened between the two of us? I didn’t mean to make things awkward. ” 

Yugyeom laughed. “Compared to what happened to me two days ago I think you’re ok Bammie !” 

“Omg, what did you do this time ?” 

“I puked on a guy while giving him a blow job.” 

Bambam choked on his spit. 

“How the f—“ 

—  
“Get up Jae we’re going to be late the managers are going to be here any minute now.” 

“Go away, hyung. I want to know the end of my dream.” Youngjae brushed off the leader’s hand that was sitting on his back. 

After coming back to their room Youngjae hadn’t been able to fall asleep. What was keeping him up ? His conscience. The vocalist felt bad for how he treated the Thai rapper. 

Ever since that particular night he hadn’t been able to speak or stay in the same room as Bambam. The guilt he felt while spending time with him made Youngjae feel uncomfortable and he didn’t want Bambam to worry about it. 

Youngjae groaned while getting out of bed. He was pretty sure he had a headache and the thought of filming for a show was more than unappealing for him. Still half awake, Youngjae shuffled his way towards the shared bathroom the boys had. 

Forgetting to knock, Youngjae pulled the door open. 

“Yugyeom I said I was nearly done ! Oh, Hyung it’s you.” Youngjae now fully awake gaped at Bambam in silence. 

With the steam still coming off his body. Bambam was drying his hair with his towel. Hanging loosely on his hips another towel was wrapped around his lower part. 

Probably feeling the stare, Bambam raised an eyebrow at the vocalist. 

“Hyung are you okay, your face is turning red. Did you catch a cold, should I call Jaeboem hyung?” His voice full of worry Bambam approached Youngjae, but as he did Youngjae took a step back. 

Mouth dry, Youngjae quickly shook his head and answered. “It’s ok, I think I just didn’t sleep well. I’m sorry didn’t mean to interrupt.” He then bowed and hurriedly closed the bathroom’s door. 

Backing away from the bathroom Youngjae took a deep breath in. When had Bambam become a man? 

Inside the bathroom, the Thai boy was confused. Had Youngjae Hyung just bowed at him ? Shrugging the thought away he continued drying his hair. If he didn’t hurry up he knew he’d receive an earful from their leader and he wasn’t in the mood for that. 

—  
“Ok, that’s enough for today !” Letting a loud sigh of relief, Youngjae dropped onto the floor. Whipping away some droplets of sweat which were threatening to burn his eyes, he concentrated on leveling his breathing. 

Dance practices were the worst part when it came to comebacks. Youngjae knew that he’d enjoy them more if he were at Yugyeom’s level of skills and passion but that would probably take him 2 or 3 more years. 

Thinking about the maknae he looked towards his direction. Like always he was perfecting the moves the dance teacher had taught them with one of the backup dancers they were working with. Looking around the room, he caught Jackson also observing the maknae, an unreadable expression on his face. 

Remembering the conversation they had three nights ago, Youngjae wondered if Yugyeom had stayed true to his words and had actually confessed to the Chinese boy. Reminding himself to ask the maknae later on, Youngjae closed his eyes. 

“You should get up before you actually become one with the floor.” Opening back up his eyes, Youngjae glared at the man standing over him. Sitting back up, Youngjae faced Jinyoung. 

“If I could I would, hyung. I’m still trying to figure out the physics behind it.”

“When you do call me. I’d love to be able to disappear for a little while.” Not knowing how to respond to that, Youngjae decided to change the subject. 

“How’s the song you’re writing going?” Flexing his fingers in front of him Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Well I’m pretty much done with it. I just don’t know if I want to put it in the album or not.” 

“What’s the name again ?” 

“Firework.” Youngjae was about to answer when Bambam plopped his head on Jinyoung’s lap. 

“Hyuuuuuuuuuung.” Youngjae looked away. He didn’t know why but the sight of Bambam doing aegyo was troubling for him. Jinyoung on the other hand was clearly not phased by it. 

“What do you want Bambam ?” Bambam pouted. Youngjae cursed under his breath, suddenly remembering what had happened last morning in the bathroom. 

“Can’t I just come and hang out with my favorite hyung ?” Jinyoung rolled his eyes. 

“I’m your favorite hyung now ? What happened to Jackson being quote on quote. The best hyung anyone could ask for ?”

“That was 2 years ago, Jackson and I moved on from that. If you’re still mad because he didn’t buy you meat that’s not my problem.” Youngjae still focused on their conversation mentally told himself not to talk too honestly in front of Jinyoung. The man seem to be able to hold a grudge for a long period of time. 

Making himself more comfortable Bambam added. “And who said I was talking about you ? Youngjae is my favorite hyung.” Bambam sent Youngjae a bright smile. Not ready for it, Youngjae just coughed. 

“You still didn’t tell me what you wanted Bambam.” 

“I need your help for a song...” Jinyoung smiled. 

“There you have it. And who made you think I’d help you ?” Bambam rolled his eyes and bit his bottom lip. Lips that were redder than Youngjae remembered them ever being. 

« Because you’re the best at it Jinyoung hyung. » Giving Bambam a smug look, Jinyoung took some strands of hair in his hand and started toying with them. 

« You know, I love when you compliment me. But I’m really busy right now with my song and the drama I’m getting ready to film so I’m going to have to pass for this one, sorry Bammie. » Clearly not liking the answer Bambam removed his head from Jinyoung’s lap. 

« Don’t worry hyung I get it. I’ll just ask one of the producers to help me with it. » Bambam answered disappointment written all over his face. Concluding that the conversation was over Youngjae thought it was best if he changed the subject. Looking up at Jinyoung’s face he could see that the older was sad that he couldn’t help Bambam. 

Suddenly his expression changed. 

« Why don’t you ask Youngjae. You’re both working on a song for the album so why don’t you just work together. » Jinyoung faced Youngjae. « That wouldn’t bother you, right ? »  
Youngjae gripped the sleeve of Jinyoung’s shirt. Preparing himself to decline the offer, he glanced at Bambam. Seeing the glint of hope that was dancing in his eyes, Youngjae didn’t find the courage to decline. So before he could even think about it, he said  
« Sure, we’ve never really worked on a song together, doing it now should be fun. »  
Trying to give his best smile, Youngjae held up his hand preparing to give Bambam a high five. 

Totally ignoring the movement, Bambam crashed into Youngjae giving him a hug. 

« Thank you so much Hyung ! You won’t regret it ! » Squeezing him one last time Bambam got up and ran towards Yugyeom. 

« Yugi guess what ! » 

Finally releasing all the air that was building up in his body Youngjae hit Jinyoung’s arm. « Really, you’re giving me your guilty conscience to bear ? » 

Jinyoung gave him an apologetic smile. « Sorry Jae, I know that you and Bambam aren’t so close. But you saw how desperate he looked. » 

Youngjae huffed. « That doesn’t mean I should help him. Why didn’t you tell him to ask Jaebeom hyung? I’m sure he would have loved to help. » 

Jinyoung shrugged. « Our comeback is approaching. Jaeboem has his own worries to face right now. I didn’t feel like giving him more. » 

« If this doesn’t end well you’ll need to buy me food for a whole month. » Jinyoung gave Youngjae a bright smile. 

« That’s a deal of sunshine. I promise you won’t regret it. » 

For some reason Youngjae didn’t feel the same.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae gets insight of what's happening between Yugyeom and Jackson.   
> Things get worse between him and Bambam. 
> 
> Oh, Bambam gets into an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update ! 
> 
> Things have been crazy between christmas, new years and me forgetting my computer with my work at my friends house... 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this second chapter. 
> 
> see you soon.

« Hyung, that’s not how it goes. » Youngjae stopped his movements as he saw their Chinese member struggle during a part of the choreography. 

Sheepishly, Youngjae approached Jackson. Even though Youngjae wasn’t in the dance line he was lucky enough to pick up rather quickly every move he was taught. 

So at times when Yugyeom or any of their good dancers were too busy to help them with the choreography, the members would turn to Youngjae for some basic help. 

For the next 30 minutes, Youngjae and Jackson went through the whole dance routine helping each other with the parts they were struggling with. 

« Ok, let’s go over it one more time. » Jackson walked over the stereo to start the song. 

Biting his upper lip Youngjae frowned. As he watched Jackson position himself for the start of the song he saw the signs of insomnia on his co-member’s face. 

Without thinking Youngjae stepped over to the stereo and stopped the song. 

“Hyung, do you want to talk about it ?” 

“We aren’t meant to be talking right now, Jae . Our comeback is in 3 weeks and I still can’t seem to figure this dance routine out.” 

“Well, overworking yourself isn’t going to help anyone. As you said it’s our comeback and in “our” there’s a certain Jackson Wang involved. If you keep this charade up you’ll never make it till the comeback.” 

Jackson sighed and sat down on the room’s floor. Both of them were quiet for a while. 

“Why’d you ask me to help with the routine ? It’s not like I’m the best dancer in the team.” Youngjae finally asked, deciding to break the silence. 

“The choreographer was busy. Jinyoung is getting ready to film for his drama, Jaebeom hyung is too stressed out and I don’t want to bother him.” 

“You could have asked Yugyeom. He is our main dancer for a reason.” 

Jackson rolled over and stared at Youngjae, his eyes unreadable. 

“I’m pretty sure you know why I can’t ask our maknae.” 

Oh interesting, Youngjae thought. Had the younger one confessed his feelings to Jackson or had Jackson guessed ? 

“Did he tell you ?” Jackson looked away a pained look in his eyes. 

“You can say that. I don’t want to talk about it.” Jackson said, still looking away. 

“Oh come on Hyung, it’s Gyeomie we’re talking about here. You can tell me !” 

“I SAID I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.” Quickly regaining his composure Jackson sat up, still not looking at Youngjae he took his belongings from the couch and headed to the door. 

“Just, mind your own business.” Youngjae, still shocked from the elder's outburst, quickly stood up. 

“I’m sorry, Hyung ! I didn’t - “   
Before he could fully apologize Jackson had disappeared. Leaving a troubled looking Youngjae in the dance room. 

——   
Youngjae silently waited for the elevator. Humming a song he had heard on the radio earlier. 

As he watched the numbers slowly decreasing, mentioning that his elevator was approaching his floor, Youngjae thought about what had happened during their dance practice with Jackson. 

Before, he had thought Jackson was overworking himself because he felt guilty for starting his solo career in China. 

But after his small outburst, the vocalist was starting to think that maybe, Jackson’s lack of sleep had something to do with their maknae. 

Youngjae was brought back to reality with the sound of the elevator reaching his floor. 

“Oh Hyung !” 

Youngjae’s heart skipped a bit. Trying to compose himself he smiled at the voice. 

“Hey, Bambam. What are you still doing here ? Don’t you have an early schedule tomorrow ? » 

The Thai member chuckled as he adjusted his fake glasses on his nose. 

« I’m still working on the song. I’m pretty sure I’m stuck or I just suck at producing music. Either way I’m struggling. » Bambam laughed bitterly at his comment roughly passing his hand through his hair. 

Youngjae bit back a frown. It had been a week since Youngjae had offered to help Bambam with his song. Since then Youngjae had still not heard the song or offered to listen to it. 

He’d simply thought Bambam would have entered the room he shared with Mark one of the following nights with headphones in hand asking him to listen to his phone. 

But he had thought wrong because he had waited a week and he had never heard Bambam’s song. 

Youngjae had then concluded that the Thai boy had finally finished his song or had found someone he preferred to help him. 

« I’m sorry, I promised I would help you but it’s been a week and I still haven’t done shit. » 

Bambam smiled with the corner of his mouth. « No, it’s all my fault hyung. I never followed up on your offer. » 

« Exactly, why didn’t you ? Especially if you really needed help ? » Youngjae tilted his head to the side. Eyeing Bambam silently.

« I guess I didn’t want to bother you. At least not more than I already do. » Bambam whispered the last part of his sentence. In other circumstances, Youngjae wouldn’t have caught what he had said, but they were both stuck in a small elevator. 

Youngjae was startled by the boy’s comment. 

« I... You think that you bother me ? That’s.. »

Bambam back away moving towards the back of the elevator.   
« You don’t have to justify yourself, Hyung… I understand. You don’t want to make things awkward between us, more than they already are.» 

Youngjae sighed. How did he get himself in such a situation? All he had wanted was to get back to the dorm. Take a shower and snuggle with Coco. How was he stuck in the elevator with a flustered looking Bambam ? That’s a question he’d love for someone to answer. 

“Bambam, look-” 

Bambam kept shaking his head. “I’m serious, Hyung I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

Before Youngjae could answer the doors of the elevator opened. He glared at the doors. Facing Bambam again he tried to speak up one more time. But before he could, Bambam waved at him and literally ran out of the elevator. 

Still confused Youngjae stepped out of the elevator. 

What had just happened ? 

—-  
« You move out from our room and then you completely forget about me. » 

Youngjae smiled as he accepted the ice Americano their leader handed him. 

« Hyung, have you seen Bambam ? » 

« Oh, my heart is bruised ! '' JB mockingly said while dramatically clutching his heart. « Here I am venting my deep and sincere thoughts about missing you and you mention another man ? '' Youngjae laughed out loud. 

They were in the dorm’s living-room. Most of the members were out practicing for their comeback which was approaching. 

« But to answer your question. Bambam’s with the music division. He’s begging them to accept the song he finally finished. » Jaebeom said a note of pity lingering as he finished speaking. 

Youngjae clenched his fists. Ever since the elevator accident Bambam and him had barely spoken. It was even worse than before. Even when interactions were needed between them the Thai boy had found a way to not directly speak to him. And deep down, Youngjae knew it was his fault. As the eldest between the two, Youngjae felt like it was his duty to make things go back to normal. But considering everything that had happened, he didn’t know how to approach Bambam without making things weird.   
If Youngjae was being honest, he knew why he was acting differently with Bambam. It wasn’t because of the multiple failed confessions, no. It was more about the situation than anything else. Youngjae didn’t understand why Bambam was always ready to confess while drunk. Why didn’t the Thai rapper ever confess when he was sober ? Was the answer to this question the same answer to why Bambam hadn’t asked Youngjae’s help for his song ? Or was it because of what he has said. The scene in the bathroom appeared too clearly in Youngjae’s mind. Even if he hadn’t reacted to it, Bambam’s words had cut deeper than he let himself admit it. “I wish you didn’t exist.” Maybe it would have been better that way. Maybe if Youngjae and Bambam hadn’t met, Youngjae wouldn’t be feeling this way. He shook the thought away as soon as it appeared. Refocusing on the discussion he was having he frowned at Jaeboem. 

« Do you think, JYP-nim and the rest of the staff will accept his song ? » Jaebeom made a face. They both knew the probability for the song to be accepted was scarce. Everyone had been able to get the approval of their written songs. Their leader had even gotten the approval of their company to write their title track. But they had all given their songs early enough to be reviewed. With the teasers of the comeback being released in less than a week, Youngjae doubted that the company would let Bambam through with his song. Especially since they had to record the song. Which generally took a lot of hours. Whether Bambam got the approval or not, Youngjae knew he had to apologize. Not because he particularly cared for Bambam. But because he felt guilty. 

Right, guilty. Guilt and care were two different things. 

« Yugyeom did get an approval and his song was late too. » Youngjae bit his lip thinking about Yugyeom’s song. That’s also something he had tried not to think too much about. 

One morning, as they were all gathered in one of their meeting rooms, Yugyeom had announced that he had gotten approval from JB and the company and he had a song he wanted the boys to hear. 

It was still a demo version but as the song progressed, Youngjae clearly knew who this song was about. He looked over at Jackson. As he had predicted, Jackson had also figured out who the song was directed to. Eyebrows furrowed and ears red, he suddenly stood up and excused himself. 

Youngjae tried to follow him but was stopped by Mark. « Let them figure this one out. » Youngjae had wanted to protest but judging by Mark’s grip on his arm and the troubled glances Yugyeom kept throwing at the door, Youngjae had sat back down. 

It was only two days later that Youngjae had finally had the opportunity to speak with the younger one. He was the last one to record his part for the song so only him and Yugyeom were left in the recording studio. After cleaning his parts up, they had ordered some take out, both of them too lazy to go back home to cook. 

« The song’s nice. » Youngjae had said after both of them had finished filling their stomach with ramen. 

« I hope it is. It speaks a lot to me. » Yugyeom had said not breaking away from the meal that was in front of him. 

« Did you tell him you were going to write a song about him ? » 

« Did he tell me beforehand that he was going to break my heart the way he did? » Youngjae took a sip from his drink. 

« So he rejected you ? » Yugyeom took one of his chopsticks and started playing with it. 

« I’d be fine if he had only rejected me. Only he didn’t. At least not a first. » Yugyeom painfully huffed out. 

Youngjae frowned, what had happened between the two boys ? 

« Gyeomie, I’m here if you want to talk. » moving away the bowl of ramen they were eating out from, Youngjae gestured to the younger boy to come closer to him. 

« I kissed him. I was telling him how I liked him since trainee days. He didn’t say anything back so I panicked and kissed him. » As he spoke, tears started spilling out from the younger one’s eye.   
Feeling the distress, Youngjae pulled him closer to his chest. 

« At first he didn’t do anything. So I started apologizing. But then he kissed me. He kissed me back, hyung. » Yugyeom started trembling underneath Youngjae’s hold. 

« Gyeomie, breathe it’s okay I’m here. » 

Still struggling to breathe properly, the maknae continued his story.   
« We slept together that night. You guys were all watching a movie together and Bambam was out of Seoul so we knew nobody was going to bother us. » 

Youngjae frowned recalling their movie night after they had finished a dance practice. He wondered how he hadn’t noticed that two of their members had vanished without anyone saying a thing. 

« He told me he cared about me too. He said that I was beautiful and he had been waiting for this for so long. We had sex three times that time. He made me feel like whatever I felt for him was mutual. '' Yugyeom was full on crying by now. His eyes were puffy and snot was coming out of his nose. 

« But the next morning he wasn’t in bed with me. I didn’t think too much about it. But when I tried to approach him and he fled. He finally told me by text later in the day that all of it was a mistake. He didn’t like me the way I wanted him to like me and that we were better off as work partners. By text, hyung ! He didn’t even have the courage to face me. » Youngjae cursed the Chinese member under his breath. He couldn’t believe anyone would want to hurt their little Gyeomie. 

If Jackson hadn’t wanted anything with Yugyeom why had he kissed him back ? Also why had he reacted that way when Youngjae had asked about what had happened between them. He felt knots starting to form at the pit of his stomach. Their situation felt too similar, while being still quite different Youngjae couldn’t help but think about Bambam and what was happening between them. He was grateful that he had managed this differently between them. Even if things were still awkward between them Youngjae hadn’t crossed the line. His friendship with Bambam was still savable. At least that’s what he was trying to tell himself. 

« Why didn’t you tell me sooner. I would’ve killed that boy 6 times already. » Yugyelm let out a small muffled laugh.

« I would have but he told me not to tell anyone. I didn’t even tell Bambam. » 

« Why, are you embarrassed? » 

« No » the younger one said, finally pulling himself off Youngjae. « It’s just that I know he is. And I don’t want him to be. » 

Youngjae gently massaged Yugyeom’s arm. « How do you still consider his feelings when he didn’t even take a minute to consider yours ? » Yugyeom shrugged and smiled pitifully. 

« Guess that’s what I get for falling in love with him. » Concluding his sentence, he got up, cleaned his spot and headed for the door. Youngjae, still bemused by the conversation, just observed him. 

Halfway through the door the maknae turned around. « You’re coming or not ? » 

—   
« Yah, Choi Youngjae I’m still here you know ! » 

Breaking out from his thoughts, Youngjae turned to his leader. 

« Sorry, Hyung. » Youngjae sheepishly. « What were you saying ? » The leader chuckled and shook his head fondly at Youngjae. 

« Bambam called. The division didn’t approve his song. They said the song felt rushed and unfinished. He’s coming back to the dorm with the rest of the guys.” 

Youngjae bit back tears that were threatening to come out. He knew how important finishing this song was for Bambam. It was the first song he was working on. It was clearly the next thing to him becoming an accomplished artist. Youngjae had heard the maknaes talk about their artistic side and what they wanted to do with it. All of their Hyungs were subtlety dabbling in it and the two younger ones didn’t want to fall behind. 

Youngjae also knew that Bambam felt kind of pressured to do better than his fellow teammates. As a foreigner, fans as well as bystanders, were quick to judge on his performance. He needed to be perfect and the writing of this song was a step towards that goal. 

“How did he sound on the phone.” Youngjae watched as he saw Jaeboem try to find his words. Youngjae didn’t understand why but it felt like their leader was trying to soften the blow. It felt weird. Never had JB tried to find his words with Youngjae. Ever since they had met, Jaeboem had always been upfront with his thoughts and opinions. It’s something that Youngjae had come to like from their leader. Seeing what was evolving in front of him scared the shit out of Youngjae. Was the leader trying to hide something from him ? 

As if he had come up with a decision JB held Youngjae’s gaze. “If I’m being completely honest, he seems pretty down. We all know how much this song meant to him.” Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Youngjae stared away. 

“I wanted to help him, it's just that things have been weird between him and I. I honestly don’t know what to do.” Jaeboem approached Youngjae with a small smile grazing his lips. 

“I’m not blaming you with anything. But for the sake of the group figure it out. This song might be the start of something bigger if you don’t work things out sooner who knows what could happen next ?”

Before Youngjae could answer, keys unlocking the door of the dorm could be heard. Squeezing Youngjae’s shoulder as if to give him so sort of comfort, the other vocalist went to welcome the rest of the members. 

—  
“Guys I’m moving out.” The room full of noise suddenly became quiet. Six pairs of eyes suddenly turned towards him all of them wearing a different kind of surprised look.   
“What ? Why? Is living with us that bad?” Yugyeom whined. Youngjae smiled pitifully at their maknae. 

“Of course not ! My brother bought an apartment with two spare rooms. He offered me to live with him and I accepted.” Bringing Youngjae towards him he hugged the younger one. 

“Living with you guys was fun. But we’re all growing up and I think it’s time for all of us to find a place to live. Coco is also growing old and I think she’d like a quiet place to sleep and live in.” As if she agreed, Coco barked two times wiggling her tail at the same time.

“Well if that’s what you want.” Jaeboem got up from where he was sitting in between Mark and Jinyoung. 

Standing in front of Youngjae he gave his hand for Youngjae to shake. Laughing, the second vocalist swatted the hand away and pulled the leader in a warm hug. 

“Don’t worry, Hyung. I’ll be over here so often you’ll ask me to leave.” 

“Never.” Jaebeom answered back holding the younger one tighter in his arms. 

—   
“Finally.” Youngjae breathed out as he let himself fall onto his mattress. He closed his eyes, letting his sore muscles slowly relaxed. 

Moving out from the dorm had been harder than he had imagined. It had taken all the boys plus his brother to get everything packed and placed into his new room. It had made Youngjae emotional. He had never realized how much stuff he had accumulated through the years. 

As he packed he had found small objects that were gifted to him by the boys. 

Under a pill of used music sheets he had found a small bracelet made out of beads. The sight of the accessory had made his heart ache. 

—   
“Here Hyung.” Hidden behind the door, a frightened teenager held his arm in front of him looking at the floor. 

Confused, Youngjae laughed. “You can come in you know there’s nothing to be shy about.” 

The small boy slowly entered the room, his cheeks tinted a clear shade of pink. 

“What’s your name already ?” 

“Kunpimook Bhuwakul but everyone calls me Bambam.” 

Youngjae, tilted his head at the sight of the teenager in front of him. He had heard at the company that him and Bambam had only one year of difference but with the chubby cheeks that the younger one carried around him it was hard to believe so. 

“Oh well I’m Youngjae.” 

“I know.” 

“You do ?” Youngjae lifted an eyebrow. They’d met only this morning, how did he remember ? 

“Yeah, I heard you sing this afternoon when I was going to a dance practice. It was really good, so I had to ask who it was.” As if he’d realize what he just said Bambam’s cheeks grew a deeper shade of pink. 

“Thank you.” Youngjae felt so flattered. He knew he was arriving a bit late in the training program. So hearing an already accomplished trainee praise his skills made him feel nice. 

“Did you want anything ?” As if he suddenly remembered why he had come into the room. He bowed deeply. 

“I’d like to apologize for this morning. When I heard the door open I thought it was the other Hyungs I didn’t know we had a newcomer arriving today !” 

“Bambam-“ 

“Here’s something I got to apologize, it’s nothing really big because I can’t afford it but I hope we’ll get along well !” 

Before Youngjae could even respond. Bambam shoved something into his hand and ran out the room. 

Opening his hand to see what was in it he smiled when he saw the small bracelet with beads laying on his palm. 

“I hope we’ll become great friends, you and I, Bambam-ssi.” He whispered. 

—   
The memory brought back feelings he hadn’t felt for while. 

Slowly getting up from his new bed, he opened a box that was next to the door of his room. Like he had expected, he took the small bracelet out of the box and placed it around his wrist. 

When he had announced that he was moving, Bambam hadn’t said anything. Now that he thought about it, Bambam hadn’t been around much for the move. The other members had tried to reassure Youngjae saying that Bambam had other schedules. But deep down, Youngjae knew it was his fault. If only things could go back to normal. 

Before he could continue his thought he was interrupted by the doorbell. 

Youngjae frowned as he picked up his phone, frown growing only deeper when he saw that it was almost 2 am. 

He sighed. It was probably one of the guys who had forgotten something before going back to their shared dorm. 

“This better be good because I’m exhausted and I want to go to-“ 

Youngjae’s rant was put to a halt when he discovered the boy who had rang his doorbell. 

“Bambam, what are you doing here this late ?” Leaning with difficulty on the side of the door, Bambam started to slur some words. 

Youngjae rolled his eyes. Of course. 

“You need to stop doing this. You can’t let yourself drink like that. Especially if you can’t handle it.” 

“I’m fine. I don’t need you to patronize me right now.” Bambam pushed him forward. Entering Youngjae’s apartment loudly. 

“I like the place seems cozy.” Youngjae watched as Bambam wandered around the appartement. Sometimes leaning on furniture to keep himself from falling. 

Following him with his eyes, Youngjae concluded he had had enough. 

“Bambam, it’s nearly 3 o’clock in the morning. I have a schedule tomorrow morning. So if you could tell me why you’re here like that -“ 

“You didn’t have to move out.” 

“Pardon me ?” 

“You didn’t have to move out. Things were good.” 

Youngjae crossed his arms, a sudden wave of guilt filling his veins. 

“What was I supposed to do Bammie? You were avoiding me. The boys were starting to get worried. I didn’t want our situation to impact the whole group.” 

“Well you should have told me about it then !” Bambam said, raising his voice. “Instead of just announcing it like it was nothing.” 

Youngjae glanced worryingly towards his brother’s bedroom. At this rate, his brother was bound to wake up.

“I tried talking to you, but each time I did you fled. And lower your voice, my Hyung is sleeping.” Youngjae hissed out. 

Bambam stood up. He crossed the room, aiming for the door. But before he could, Youngjae caught his arm. 

“Bam, where are you going? You’re clearly drunk and the dorms are not close from here.” How did he even get here, Youngjae wondered. 

“Let go, this was stupid. I don’t know why I came here.” He tried to free his arm but Youngjae held on tight. 

“Bambam, if you want to talk about things. We can do it when you’re sober. You can’t keep confronting me while drunk.” 

Bambam huffed. “I wish it was that easy. I wish I could own up to everything you make me feel and just talk to you about it.” Youngjae watched as tears started filling up Bambam’s eyes. 

“Well maybe if you stopped wishing for things you didn’t actually want you’d be able to do it.” Youngjae whispered, locking eyes with the Thai member. 

Bambam stared at Bambam with confusion in his eyes. “What do you mean, my feelings for you are-“ Realization suddenly dawned across his face. 

Finally pulling away from Youngjae, Bambam’s face became somber. 

“I did mean that. What I said in the bar’s bathroom. I wished you didn’t exist sometimes.” 

Youngjae stepped back. Shock and hurt written on his face. 

“Bambam you can’t possibly mean that. I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through but I’m still one of your members, your friend.” 

“I stopped seeing you as a friend the moment I started loving you, Youngjae. So yes, I can think that. Your existence hurts me, Hyung.” 

Youngjae couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Fuck you, Bambam. You’re not being fair. You never gave me a chance to reciprocate your feelings. You just dumped them onto me.” 

Bambam’s eyes grew. Youngjae never swore unless he was angry, hurt or both. 

“Youngjae I-“ 

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it. You don’t want me in your life, just because I don’t like you back ? Fine, I don’t care. Now if you could please leave my house and pretend I don’t exist somewhere else. I’m going to bed.” 

Youngjae pushed Bambam towards the door ignoring the complaints coming out of his mouth. 

He didn’t want to hear them. He didn’t want to acknowledge anything. Youngjae was hurt and he knew the only way to make that feeling leave was to sleep it off. 

Bambam finally outside, turned around. “Youngjae, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m lost, I-“ 

“Get lost, Bambam.” Slamming the door, quietly might I add because Youngjae’s brother was still sleeping, Youngjae let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

He slowly stepped away from the door, anger and annoyance still pumping through his veins. 

He knew both him and Bambam hadn’t handled this situation how they were meant to handle it. But right now, Youngjae couldn’t care less. He entered his room and let himself drop onto his bed. 

Five minutes later, he was fast asleep. 

—-  
“Youngjae ! Youngjae !” Startled awake, Youngjae rose from his bed. Hitting his head against the wall behind him. 

Rubbing his head to sooth the pain he glared at his brother. 

“What is it, Hyung ?! I know how to wake myself up…” 

“Jaebeom just called. They’re heading to the hospital. Bambam was hit by a car.” 

And then Youngjae’s heart dropped.

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters are building the mood of the story. 
> 
> The real stuff will start maybe in chapter 4 or 5 
> 
> Remember to leave comments ! 
> 
> See you soon !


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